Was Always Tangled Up in Knots to Keep Myself from Speaking Up, But No One’s Listening Anyway…
I’ve decided to come out of the closet. I can’t live with the secrecy and shame any more. No, it’s not what you are probably thinking. I’m talking about popular music. That is, music that is so popular, or has such a hardcore fan base that something is assumed to be wrong with you if you don’t immediately drop to your knees and prostrate yourself the second a name is mentioned. And I’m not talking about the sheer numbers teenybopper stuff like Britney Spears. I’m talking about the stuff that the general “in-the-know” listening public has deemed to be the “no denying it”, quintessential cream of the music crops. And while the general consensus of millions of these in-the-know listeners speaks otherwise, I don’t really care for these artists. Up until now, I have been cautious about speaking out against most of these bands on this blog out of fear that I would lose my vast throngs of readership (yeah, right). But I shall live in fear no more. Here is a non-exclusive list of artist/artists that despite their huge popularity and critical acclaim, I just really couldn’t care less about:
Radiohead. Ok, I know they are the darlings of musical hipsters everywhere, but I really can’t stand them. And no, it’s not that I “just haven’t given them a chance” or “haven’t heard any of the best stuff they don’t play on the radio.” Trust me. I have listened to Radiohead ad nauseam (and in this case, literally nausea…). As soon as you tell a Radiohead fan that you don’t like Radiohead they instantly try to convert you, or treat you as if you have some kind of illness that must be cured by unlimited exposure to more Radiohead. Look everybody; I am really happy that this band makes you really happy. Seriously, I am. But give up. You aren’t going to win me over. Ever since the first time I heard that “I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo” song on the radio (and my buddy and I fully trashed it), I have thought they sucked. And that super whiney “Karma Police” song makes my ears bleed. Not that I don’t listen to other whiney, depressing music, but Radiohead just doesn’t do it for me at all. There, I said it. Let the public stoning begin.
The Righteous Brothers. I know. You are thinking, “What???? The Righteous Brothers? Who could hate them?” But, I’m telling you, like several others on this list, I would rather crash my car trying to turn the radio station fast enough to avoid even the first opening notes of one of their songs. I don’t know if it’s the connection with that horribly terrible movie Ghost or what, but I just can’t tolerate “Unchained Melody” even in the very slightest. And “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling”? That song was bad before Top Gun turned it into a cliché. I know the ladies like ‘em, but you know what? The ladies also like Al Green, Marvin Gaye, and lots of other more talented soul singers. I’ll stick with them, thank you.
Madonna. This one should be self-explanatory, however, my brain cannot fathom why so many individuals who have otherwise decent tastes in music hold her in such high regard. I realize that nothing I say here will ever change the minds of her hundreds of millions of worshipers, but consider this: what makes Madonna a more popular figure, her talent or her knack of constantly staying “controversial” in the public eye? I’d argue that at this point in her career she is more like a follower and amplifier of the trends than a trend-setter, but even if she was the leading boundary-pusher, does that make her a good musician? Or does she just know how to play the showbiz game? Hmmm… I have a hunch it’s the latter. Plus, I blame her for making Guy Ritchie’s movies suck. He was cool. Then he married Madonna and his movies began to suck. Correlation? You be the judge.
The Cure. The reaction to this one is similar to the one I get from Radiohead, though not as vehement. How could I DARE not like The Cure? Well, honestly, I just don’t get into Goth music that much and they are like the kings of Goth. Again, the vocals are whiney and the music depressing. Plus Robert Smith is kind of a wuss. I prefer the Robert Smith that used to play running back for the Vikings. Of course, that last statement probably just explained to every single Cure fan why I don’t “get” the Cure. You know, because I’m just a dumb, meathead jock and stuff.
Motley Crue, Poison, Def Leopard, Bon Jovi, and every other 80s hair band. Didn’t like them in the 80s, don’t like them now. They are the epitome of cheese and superficiality. Or maybe I just said that to counter my meathead jock image…
U2. It’s not that I hate U2. I can respect them and admit to their talent, but I’m not a fan. They have some ok songs, but I think the total radio saturation has gotten to me. Seriously, how many stations can these guys be played on? I can hear the same 25-year old song on the classic rock channel, the alternative channel, the modern rock channel, the lite-rock channel, the top-40 channel and just about every other channel out there. All they need is to have a rap-remix of one of their songs and they would have all of the formats covered. Let’s just get it over with and introduce an all-U2 radio station format. I’m sure it will work. A handful of the Denver stations are pretty much already there…
Prince. At this point I think I’ve pretty much lost SLG’s readership forever, but I’m going to venture on and discuss the Great Purple One. Like U2, I don’t hate Prince. I just don’t understand why he is so highly regarded as this great talented musician. I actually lived in the same town in Minnesota as Prince (funny, I never saw him in sweat pants at the local Target or in line at McDonald’s…) and people, including good friends, would swear up and down that Prince was one of the most amazing guitarists ever and that he kept endless reels of his guitar-playing virtuosity locked in his studio vault. I’ve heard this from many unrelated sources. However, if this is true, why is it being locked up? Why is none of this virtuosity ever featured on any of his songs? Sure, he can crank out a catchy pop dance tune, but other than a couple solos on Purple Rain, I can’t think of any times I’ve witnessed Prince really grind his axe (I mean, seriously, he didn’t even bother to plug it in during the Super Bowl). Can he play it or not? Prove it to me, Mr. Prince, and I’ll rescind all I’ve ever said against you. Until then, you get categorized with all of the other cheesy top-40 hip-hop dance “artists.”
I’m sure there are plenty more that I need to come clean on, but I think I am going to stop for now. If I deeply offended you by putting your favorite band on this list, then I’m sorry but that’s just how it is. I can’t argue with my ears. I can neither pretend nor keep silent any longer. Judge me as you will. I'm ready for the backlash.
Radiohead. Ok, I know they are the darlings of musical hipsters everywhere, but I really can’t stand them. And no, it’s not that I “just haven’t given them a chance” or “haven’t heard any of the best stuff they don’t play on the radio.” Trust me. I have listened to Radiohead ad nauseam (and in this case, literally nausea…). As soon as you tell a Radiohead fan that you don’t like Radiohead they instantly try to convert you, or treat you as if you have some kind of illness that must be cured by unlimited exposure to more Radiohead. Look everybody; I am really happy that this band makes you really happy. Seriously, I am. But give up. You aren’t going to win me over. Ever since the first time I heard that “I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo” song on the radio (and my buddy and I fully trashed it), I have thought they sucked. And that super whiney “Karma Police” song makes my ears bleed. Not that I don’t listen to other whiney, depressing music, but Radiohead just doesn’t do it for me at all. There, I said it. Let the public stoning begin.
The Righteous Brothers. I know. You are thinking, “What???? The Righteous Brothers? Who could hate them?” But, I’m telling you, like several others on this list, I would rather crash my car trying to turn the radio station fast enough to avoid even the first opening notes of one of their songs. I don’t know if it’s the connection with that horribly terrible movie Ghost or what, but I just can’t tolerate “Unchained Melody” even in the very slightest. And “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling”? That song was bad before Top Gun turned it into a cliché. I know the ladies like ‘em, but you know what? The ladies also like Al Green, Marvin Gaye, and lots of other more talented soul singers. I’ll stick with them, thank you.
Madonna. This one should be self-explanatory, however, my brain cannot fathom why so many individuals who have otherwise decent tastes in music hold her in such high regard. I realize that nothing I say here will ever change the minds of her hundreds of millions of worshipers, but consider this: what makes Madonna a more popular figure, her talent or her knack of constantly staying “controversial” in the public eye? I’d argue that at this point in her career she is more like a follower and amplifier of the trends than a trend-setter, but even if she was the leading boundary-pusher, does that make her a good musician? Or does she just know how to play the showbiz game? Hmmm… I have a hunch it’s the latter. Plus, I blame her for making Guy Ritchie’s movies suck. He was cool. Then he married Madonna and his movies began to suck. Correlation? You be the judge.
The Cure. The reaction to this one is similar to the one I get from Radiohead, though not as vehement. How could I DARE not like The Cure? Well, honestly, I just don’t get into Goth music that much and they are like the kings of Goth. Again, the vocals are whiney and the music depressing. Plus Robert Smith is kind of a wuss. I prefer the Robert Smith that used to play running back for the Vikings. Of course, that last statement probably just explained to every single Cure fan why I don’t “get” the Cure. You know, because I’m just a dumb, meathead jock and stuff.
Motley Crue, Poison, Def Leopard, Bon Jovi, and every other 80s hair band. Didn’t like them in the 80s, don’t like them now. They are the epitome of cheese and superficiality. Or maybe I just said that to counter my meathead jock image…
U2. It’s not that I hate U2. I can respect them and admit to their talent, but I’m not a fan. They have some ok songs, but I think the total radio saturation has gotten to me. Seriously, how many stations can these guys be played on? I can hear the same 25-year old song on the classic rock channel, the alternative channel, the modern rock channel, the lite-rock channel, the top-40 channel and just about every other channel out there. All they need is to have a rap-remix of one of their songs and they would have all of the formats covered. Let’s just get it over with and introduce an all-U2 radio station format. I’m sure it will work. A handful of the Denver stations are pretty much already there…
Prince. At this point I think I’ve pretty much lost SLG’s readership forever, but I’m going to venture on and discuss the Great Purple One. Like U2, I don’t hate Prince. I just don’t understand why he is so highly regarded as this great talented musician. I actually lived in the same town in Minnesota as Prince (funny, I never saw him in sweat pants at the local Target or in line at McDonald’s…) and people, including good friends, would swear up and down that Prince was one of the most amazing guitarists ever and that he kept endless reels of his guitar-playing virtuosity locked in his studio vault. I’ve heard this from many unrelated sources. However, if this is true, why is it being locked up? Why is none of this virtuosity ever featured on any of his songs? Sure, he can crank out a catchy pop dance tune, but other than a couple solos on Purple Rain, I can’t think of any times I’ve witnessed Prince really grind his axe (I mean, seriously, he didn’t even bother to plug it in during the Super Bowl). Can he play it or not? Prove it to me, Mr. Prince, and I’ll rescind all I’ve ever said against you. Until then, you get categorized with all of the other cheesy top-40 hip-hop dance “artists.”
I’m sure there are plenty more that I need to come clean on, but I think I am going to stop for now. If I deeply offended you by putting your favorite band on this list, then I’m sorry but that’s just how it is. I can’t argue with my ears. I can neither pretend nor keep silent any longer. Judge me as you will. I'm ready for the backlash.
posted by john at 12:34 PM
6 Comments:
lol.
John, I've got to tell you, I pretty much agree with everything you said here. Except Radiohead. you have to understand, they are like crack. I don't really dare play OK Computer anymore. The last time I did, it was the only thing I could listen to for about four months. I can't explain it either.
Robert Smith could really stretch a defense. That guy was amazing. Meathead jocks unite!
Yeah, that Robert Smith sure could open things up, especially when he would cut a corner on a sweep. However, he had troubles staying healthy. I mean, c'mon, he even got the chicken pox one season. But he had some wheels, that's for sure.
You know, I really wish I could get into Radiohead just to see what everyone else sees in them. But I've given them more than a fair share of tries and it hasn't happened yet. I've come around on a few bands that I used to not care for, but I don't think Radiohead is going to join that list. I just can't fight what my ears tell me.
I forgot about the chicken pox. LOL, that was funny as hell. If I remember right, Smith decided on early retirement as well. He could have commanded a kings randsom, instead he hung up his cleats.
I wouldn't worry to much about Radiohead. If they aren't for you, I say good. I really can't understand exactly what the draw for me was. I listened to them on nice headphones while working on my college thesis paintings. I wonder if they would have had the same effect on me if I had been listening on my old crappy stereo speakers? Christopher O'Riley did an album called True Love Waits, O'Riley plays Radiohead. The entire album is an interpurtation of Radiohead songs done by a very good classical pianist. No whiny Thom York. If you like classical music and want an answer of why Radiohead is brilliant, listening to this album on a decent system might be the only best answer I could ever provide you.
Yeah, Smith did the ol' Barry Sanders and retired while still in the prime of his game. What is up with these guys going out on top? Don't they know that we, the fans, demand that they sacrifice every last living tissue in the name of football and the almighty Super Bowl?!!! Why can't more athletes be like Emmitt Smith, Michael Jordan, and Roger Clemens and just keep coming back and playing until they are but an empty shell of their former self and serve only to errode their legacy? Sheesh...
Thanks for the music recommendation. I will for sure check it out. Maybe it will get me into Radiohead fandom through the backdoor...
HEY JOHN!!! The highly offended, here...
Of course I can't critique your loves/hates... that's the best thing about music. Some people "get" it and other don't... to be honest, that's a great thing for those who "get" it. They feel like they can share that with others who do. So, we Prince fans need people like you to NOT like him, right?
I used to jiz over Radiohead. Seriously. I drove all over fucking North America to see them play: New York, Chicago, Detroit, London, Toronto... And now... I just don't get it. They're lost to me.
But The Cure will remain with me forever. I disagree that they are goth. I think that's a serious misrepresentation by media. I agree, however, that they are whiny. But I also like Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, The Arcade Fire, The Killers, etc., all of whom have lead singers who are whiny as hell. There's something to it, I think. Plus, I feel that they write some fucking GREAT pop songs.
U2... yeah, radio friendly is an understatement. But all I would say to someone who had given up on them is to pull out the ol' Unforgettable Fire album and put on "Elvis Presley and America". Fuck me. That shit goes down and stays down. I want that played at my funeral or something.
And Prince. Dear Prince. He makes me want to get down and dirty. It's his forte. The Purple Rain album gives me chills. It's my only "for sure" choice for a desert island. I'd die of thirst a happy gal indeed!
Sorry it's been so long! I can't remember my Small Town diaries log-in and just realized that I can post anonymously!!!
x
SLG
A huge welcome back, SLG! The blogiverse has definitely missed you. Hmmm... touring with Radiohead. I've heard of Deadheads and Phisheads touring, but this is a new one. What would you call yourself? Radioheadhead is quite a mouthful, not to mention a smidge redundant. But as a fella who has done a few roadtrips of his own to see a band, I can definitely understand the double pleasure of fulfilling both the travel and music jones in one swoop. And I certainly don't begrudge anyone for liking any of those bands. In fact, realizing that I am in the minority opinion on all of those respective artists is what spawned the post. I have always assumed there was something wrong with me for not "getting it." Well, except for Madonna and hair metal. I think I can carry on the rest of my life missing out on those ones.
And I am a bit hypocritical in that I have plenty of whiny music in my collection. But apparently it has to be a certain kind of whiny for me to enjoy it. What can I say? I'm a freak, I'm a weirdo...
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