Now I’m a Fat House Cat Cursing My Sore Blunt Tongue

So, last Friday we had a speaker visit here at my place of employment to discuss conflict resolution. Attendance for this seminar was mandatory and we had to choose from two different sessions which one we would have to suffer through. I chose the morning one, as I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, and I didn’t want to have to take my lunch early just to lose it later that afternoon after listening to a pompous consultant for four hours straight.

As you may tell from my mildly-biased introductory paragraph, I tend to hold these fluff sessions in pretty high contempt. I personally find them a waste of time, and if my employer really wanted me to work more efficiently, effectively, etc, then they wouldn’t make me spend half my day listening to all of this crap and instead actually let me get some work done. So, as you can tell, I went into this thing with a pretty open, positive attitude.

Sure enough, it was exactly as I figured. A pompous, know-it-all speaker with a Ph.D. spoke in condescending, sweeping generalizations and used a lot of self-serving examples to really say nothing of any substance. She deftly avoided responding to any question that she couldn’t answer, and to those that she did answer she gave such watered-down, generic advice it sounded completely canned. I’ll admit, a little of what she presented did have some practical value, but none of it was new and I had encountered almost all of it before. On top of all of this, she had us do fun things like breaking off into groups and engaging in other activities designed to help us learn how to resolve our conflicts. I needed no help in my resolution. My opinion of all of this wasn’t the least bit conflicted at all.

Anyway, I bit my tongue and let several prime opportunities for calling this lady out pass by without incident. I was just going to keep my mouth shut and just try to tolerate it until the end despite what my brain was actually screaming. But, faithful readers, somewhere around the third hour my self control completely broke down. During one particularly lame exercise, my mouth started moving before I could stop it. I totally went off. I went off in front of all of my co-workers. I went off in front of my boss’s boss. I went off in front of my boss’s boss’s boss (who scheduled this thing in the first place). I went off in front of a whole room of people who had no idea who I was (being both relatively new and not being in their respective departments) and will now forever know me when they see me in the hall as “that one guy who totally went off.” When my mouth finally stopped moving, I looked around and realized what had happened. People were cheering, but it was too late. I was totally embarrassed at my lack of self control. Here I am, I’ve only been here six months and really hardly know anybody. What kind of idiot in that position goes off like that in front of upper management and half of the employee base? Well, apparently that question has been answered.

I talked to a couple of people after the session and then slunk my way back to my desk to try to recover the rest of my what-should-have-been-pleasant Friday afternoon. However, by later in the day news of my outburst had spread. It had spread so much that my name was even brought up during the second session (which my boss attended). I tried to sneak out of the office unnoticed, but it was completely in vain. Everyone I bumped into on the way out the door told me that they heard about my earlier performance. I was so embarrassed. I just wanted to go home.

I felt completely lame all weekend. I felt extremely lucky to have taken Monday off work to watch the girls during a day off from school (a day off already? They just started a few weeks ago…) because I was still way too embarrassed to go back. I feared the worst. Well, Tuesday rolled around despite my attempts to freeze time by putting my two index fingers together repeatedly. And, despite having that extra day of cushion off, it was exactly as I feared when I returned. Everyone wanted to talk to me about the incident. However, strangely enough, it was all very supportive. Most people told me that they were happy that I went off because they were waiting for someone to finally speak up (well, why didn’t they do it then?). A lot of people told me that they agreed with me completely and that they got more out of what I said in a few minutes than what the speaker said in four hours. One lady here told me that I should consider a career in conflict resolution consulting (after she jokingly asked for my autograph since I was now a “celebrity”) since she felt my input was much better than the Ph.D.’s. Another lady told me that in her department’s one hour staff meeting they spent at least 40 minutes discussing what I had to say (and some expressed disappointment for having missed it). My boss’s boss asked me if I had a background in theater (because I tend to cause drama?) because of how well I projected my voice and my comfort level when speaking to a large audience. When my boss brought up the subject, I told her that I was sorry and tried to explain, but she asked why would I be sorry and that she didn’t think the presentation was all that good, either.

Even a few days later I still have people coming up to me wanting to talk about it. Despite all of this, I am still pretty embarrassed over the whole ordeal. I should have just kept my mouth shut and played good little employee. I’m glad people felt inspired, but I’ve been around long enough in business to know that people who stick their necks out usually get their heads chopped off. But the incident must not have tarnished me too badly, because my six-month probationary period ended yesterday (I’ve been here six months already???) and they actually decided to hire me on as a full employee (suckers!). So, I guess there’s something about me that they like, despite my apparent proclivity to take paid consultants to task in front of executive management and half of the organization’s employees…

It's a Prairieman's World, It's Wide Open

Ok, I know I am a little late on this, but here are some pics from my trip to South Dakota over Labor Day weekend. It was a great time and despite the mrs. just recovering from pneumonia, she hung in there pretty well. We had great weather the whole weekend and got to see a lot of pretty cool stuff.

I want to say first off that the Black Hills area is definitely some pretty country. I can see the attraction for motorcyclists to that area for sure. There are many picturesque, well-paved roads perfect for driving or riding with lots of curves and awesome views. We drove both the vaunted Needles and Iron Mountain scenic highways, respectively, and both lived up to their hype. That being said, the area is also very touristy. It kind of reminded me of Colorado Springs. You get equal parts natural beauty and kitsch. But, hey, that’s what the whole plan was for the area when they started carving Mount Rushmore almost a century ago. They wanted to turn the place into a tourist destination. And, well, I guess they succeeded because they at least got me to go there (for my second time, even).

We tried to avoid most of the super-touristy stuff, though. I mean, there is plenty to do and enjoy naturally in the area. For example, you can visit Wind Cave National Park. Faithful readers will remember that awhile back I made it a personal goal to visit all 58 US national parks. Well, guess what? I’m up to 8! Yee-haw! Anyway, Wind Cave is one of the oldest national parks (#6, 1903) and was protected for its unusually large collection of boxwork formations inside the cave. In fact, around 95% of the world’s boxwork is found in this cave alone. At around 120 miles in length, it is also the fourth longest cave in the world. Pretty groovy.

Anyway, we took a tour and it was very informative (as you can tell by my Cliff Claven-like factoids in the preceding paragraph). No, we did not spelunk for all 120 miles of the cave. We did, however, spend just over an hour down there and got to see a whole lot of cool formations. One thing about trying to take pictures in a cave, though, is that it is hard to get really good pictures of the formations due to the lack of good lighting and depth. They also refuse to smile for you and tend to blink a lot. But here is one shot of some boxwork that kinda turned out when we flipped it to black and white.


Basically boxwork forms when calcite oozes between softer minerals and then when the softer rock wears away, it leaves the criss-cross patterns of the calcite remaining. Ah, screw it, here’s the wikipedia entry. That explains it a whole lot better (and has a better picture, too).

Once we finished at Wind Cave, we drove up into Custer State Park. This place was really cool and is famous for its large herds of buffalo and other wildlife protected at the site. When we pulled in, the ranger told us that if we wanted to see the buffalo that we should follow a couple of gravel roads into a more secluded section of the park. Well, she was right. We followed her directions and sure enough we saw buffalo. Lots of ‘em. They weren’t stampeding like on Dances with Wolves or anything, but it was still amazing to see so many of them together wandering free. It is hard to imagine that these huge beasts were once on the brink of extinction due to humanity’s own carelessness. I saw a lot of cool stuff that weekend, but this may have been the highlight. This wasn’t like being in a zoo. We literally drove up into the middle of a herd of buffalo. They were right there and we were right there with them. They came right up to the car window. Words cannot explain the experience. Neither can the pictures, but I’ll post a couple anyway.

I think there's a joke about a buffalo crossing the road here somewhere...

Herd of buffalo. What? Of course I’ve heard of buffalo. Sheesh…

We also saw lots of mule deer, pronghorn antelope, prairie dogs, and even a free-roaming gang of burros that are the remnants of an old pack of trail mules that were simply released into the park when the trail expeditions ended years ago. They are now nicknamed the “Begging Burros” because of their tendency to block the road until approaching cars give them food. We fed them pretzels and were allowed to pass on up the Iron Mountain Highway. I guess it beats having to fight the Black Knight…

The Iron Mountain Highway was awesome. This is one of the routes you can take to Mt. Rushmore from the south, and was designed to not only show off the region’s beauty, but also to boost your anticipation and excitement for the carved heads ahead. There are several tunnels through the mountain specifically aimed so that you see Mt. Rushmore perfectly framed through the rock as you drive through them. That was super cool. I tried to snap some pictures, but unfortunately, none of them turned out because the darkness of the tunnel washed out the light at the end. I know: excuses, excuses. First the cave, and now the tunnel. I guess if you are going to be taking pictures in dark places surrounded by rock, you need a special attachment or something. Next time I’m going to go into Wolf Camera beforehand and ask for the “Cave Lens.”
Eventually we made it to Mt. Rushmore where my heart swelled with patriotic pride… Ok, I admit it was pretty neat. It was kinda weird because on one hand I’m thinking, “man, what a waste of a perfectly good mountain” and on the other hand I’m thinking, “Wow! This is cool!” just from the sheer magnitude and hard work put into the thing. It is the largest work of art in the world, surpassing both the pyramids and the sphinx. Plus, as an American, I’ve had this image jammed into my brain pretty much since birth, so to see it in person is pretty surreal (even for my second time). I’ve never seen the Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, or the Mona Lisa, but I’m sure the feeling when seeing those iconic emblems would probably be about the same. Just the strange disbelief of seeing it in person alone is worth the experience.

The next day we visited the Cosmos Mystery Area. This place is a pure tourist trap, but it was one of the less-corny things to do in the area, had good reviews on Trip Advisor, and wasn’t too expensive so we thought we would give it a shot. The basic premise to this place is that a couple of college students years ago discovered that this area “defied physics and the laws of nature” so they built a cabin in which to demonstrate this phenomenon through wacky experiments all the while charging admission to passing tourists. So, during this tour I did indeed see water flow uphill, a ball roll uphill, a guy stand at a 45-degree angle off of a wall, people standing on level ground change heights, felt the strange “pull” of the mountain, and several other “unexplainable” feats and demonstrations. I say unexplainable, because I myself will admit that I can not explain them. However, as someone who is deeply cynical and doesn’t believe in anything that can’t be proven, I highly doubt that there is any magic or “unexplainable” paranormal phenomena behind any of it. I think it was all a bunch of well-constructed optical illusions and perception tweeks. That being said, I would have to say it was still fairly entertaining. Here is a picture of our tour guide standing 45-degrees out from what was shown to be a flat ledge with a bubble level. As you can see, the audience appears to be standing uphill on what should be level ground… (insert spooky music here). Whoa!!!

After that we toured another cave, The Sitting Bull Crystal Caverns. Seriously, there are like a hundred caves around this area. This cave found fame as the sometimes-home of Sitting Bull, who used to camp in the entrance during the winter months. This one is privately owned (the family claims to have known Sitting Bull himself), though, and you could totally tell the difference between this one and the one at the national park. It was still pretty neat since it was a completely different kind of cave than Wind Cave. Instead of having boxwork, it was chock-full of pointy crystals hanging down from the ceiling like you were inside a giant geode. There was also a section of the cave that you could explore by yourself with flashlights that my oldest daughter really dug. Alas, the pictures of the crystals really didn’t turn out that well. But, man, wait until next time when I have that cave lens…

There was some other stuff that we did, but that was pretty much it for sight seeing. But in a place like this there was a sight to be seen everywhere you go. I would have liked to have driven through the Badlands, but it would have been an hour just to go there, a drive for at least another hour through the park, and then the drive back which would have been a bit too much. I’ve seen the Badlands before, though, so it wasn’t too big of a disappointment. But, man, that place is pretty cool to see as well.

Oh, we did see the Crazy Horse Memorial on the way out. We didn’t go in, but I did get a chance to snap this picture from the road. They are a bit farther along than when I last saw it over ten years ago, but they still have a way to go until they are finally done. You have to appreciate the persistence and determination, though. They’ve been working on that thing for forever.

Well, that’s the trip. The mrs. did really well despite still feeling a bit under the weather. The only time she said that anything really got to her was when we climbed the 180-something steps back up out of the Crystal Caverns. That’s understandable. Something like that would get people who don’t have lungs full of fluid. So, I was pretty proud of her for not letting a minor setback like bacterial pneumonia keep her from having a good time. Ok, this post is getting way long so I am going to end it now before next Labor Day rolls around. Sass, I’ve been listening to Mother Mother and will let you know what I think in my next post. Take care, faithful readers, until then.