Now I’m a Fat House Cat Cursing My Sore Blunt Tongue
So, last Friday we had a speaker visit here at my place of employment to discuss conflict resolution. Attendance for this seminar was mandatory and we had to choose from two different sessions which one we would have to suffer through. I chose the morning one, as I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, and I didn’t want to have to take my lunch early just to lose it later that afternoon after listening to a pompous consultant for four hours straight.
As you may tell from my mildly-biased introductory paragraph, I tend to hold these fluff sessions in pretty high contempt. I personally find them a waste of time, and if my employer really wanted me to work more efficiently, effectively, etc, then they wouldn’t make me spend half my day listening to all of this crap and instead actually let me get some work done. So, as you can tell, I went into this thing with a pretty open, positive attitude.
Sure enough, it was exactly as I figured. A pompous, know-it-all speaker with a Ph.D. spoke in condescending, sweeping generalizations and used a lot of self-serving examples to really say nothing of any substance. She deftly avoided responding to any question that she couldn’t answer, and to those that she did answer she gave such watered-down, generic advice it sounded completely canned. I’ll admit, a little of what she presented did have some practical value, but none of it was new and I had encountered almost all of it before. On top of all of this, she had us do fun things like breaking off into groups and engaging in other activities designed to help us learn how to resolve our conflicts. I needed no help in my resolution. My opinion of all of this wasn’t the least bit conflicted at all.
Anyway, I bit my tongue and let several prime opportunities for calling this lady out pass by without incident. I was just going to keep my mouth shut and just try to tolerate it until the end despite what my brain was actually screaming. But, faithful readers, somewhere around the third hour my self control completely broke down. During one particularly lame exercise, my mouth started moving before I could stop it. I totally went off. I went off in front of all of my co-workers. I went off in front of my boss’s boss. I went off in front of my boss’s boss’s boss (who scheduled this thing in the first place). I went off in front of a whole room of people who had no idea who I was (being both relatively new and not being in their respective departments) and will now forever know me when they see me in the hall as “that one guy who totally went off.” When my mouth finally stopped moving, I looked around and realized what had happened. People were cheering, but it was too late. I was totally embarrassed at my lack of self control. Here I am, I’ve only been here six months and really hardly know anybody. What kind of idiot in that position goes off like that in front of upper management and half of the employee base? Well, apparently that question has been answered.
I talked to a couple of people after the session and then slunk my way back to my desk to try to recover the rest of my what-should-have-been-pleasant Friday afternoon. However, by later in the day news of my outburst had spread. It had spread so much that my name was even brought up during the second session (which my boss attended). I tried to sneak out of the office unnoticed, but it was completely in vain. Everyone I bumped into on the way out the door told me that they heard about my earlier performance. I was so embarrassed. I just wanted to go home.
I felt completely lame all weekend. I felt extremely lucky to have taken Monday off work to watch the girls during a day off from school (a day off already? They just started a few weeks ago…) because I was still way too embarrassed to go back. I feared the worst. Well, Tuesday rolled around despite my attempts to freeze time by putting my two index fingers together repeatedly. And, despite having that extra day of cushion off, it was exactly as I feared when I returned. Everyone wanted to talk to me about the incident. However, strangely enough, it was all very supportive. Most people told me that they were happy that I went off because they were waiting for someone to finally speak up (well, why didn’t they do it then?). A lot of people told me that they agreed with me completely and that they got more out of what I said in a few minutes than what the speaker said in four hours. One lady here told me that I should consider a career in conflict resolution consulting (after she jokingly asked for my autograph since I was now a “celebrity”) since she felt my input was much better than the Ph.D.’s. Another lady told me that in her department’s one hour staff meeting they spent at least 40 minutes discussing what I had to say (and some expressed disappointment for having missed it). My boss’s boss asked me if I had a background in theater (because I tend to cause drama?) because of how well I projected my voice and my comfort level when speaking to a large audience. When my boss brought up the subject, I told her that I was sorry and tried to explain, but she asked why would I be sorry and that she didn’t think the presentation was all that good, either.
Even a few days later I still have people coming up to me wanting to talk about it. Despite all of this, I am still pretty embarrassed over the whole ordeal. I should have just kept my mouth shut and played good little employee. I’m glad people felt inspired, but I’ve been around long enough in business to know that people who stick their necks out usually get their heads chopped off. But the incident must not have tarnished me too badly, because my six-month probationary period ended yesterday (I’ve been here six months already???) and they actually decided to hire me on as a full employee (suckers!). So, I guess there’s something about me that they like, despite my apparent proclivity to take paid consultants to task in front of executive management and half of the organization’s employees…
As you may tell from my mildly-biased introductory paragraph, I tend to hold these fluff sessions in pretty high contempt. I personally find them a waste of time, and if my employer really wanted me to work more efficiently, effectively, etc, then they wouldn’t make me spend half my day listening to all of this crap and instead actually let me get some work done. So, as you can tell, I went into this thing with a pretty open, positive attitude.
Sure enough, it was exactly as I figured. A pompous, know-it-all speaker with a Ph.D. spoke in condescending, sweeping generalizations and used a lot of self-serving examples to really say nothing of any substance. She deftly avoided responding to any question that she couldn’t answer, and to those that she did answer she gave such watered-down, generic advice it sounded completely canned. I’ll admit, a little of what she presented did have some practical value, but none of it was new and I had encountered almost all of it before. On top of all of this, she had us do fun things like breaking off into groups and engaging in other activities designed to help us learn how to resolve our conflicts. I needed no help in my resolution. My opinion of all of this wasn’t the least bit conflicted at all.
Anyway, I bit my tongue and let several prime opportunities for calling this lady out pass by without incident. I was just going to keep my mouth shut and just try to tolerate it until the end despite what my brain was actually screaming. But, faithful readers, somewhere around the third hour my self control completely broke down. During one particularly lame exercise, my mouth started moving before I could stop it. I totally went off. I went off in front of all of my co-workers. I went off in front of my boss’s boss. I went off in front of my boss’s boss’s boss (who scheduled this thing in the first place). I went off in front of a whole room of people who had no idea who I was (being both relatively new and not being in their respective departments) and will now forever know me when they see me in the hall as “that one guy who totally went off.” When my mouth finally stopped moving, I looked around and realized what had happened. People were cheering, but it was too late. I was totally embarrassed at my lack of self control. Here I am, I’ve only been here six months and really hardly know anybody. What kind of idiot in that position goes off like that in front of upper management and half of the employee base? Well, apparently that question has been answered.
I talked to a couple of people after the session and then slunk my way back to my desk to try to recover the rest of my what-should-have-been-pleasant Friday afternoon. However, by later in the day news of my outburst had spread. It had spread so much that my name was even brought up during the second session (which my boss attended). I tried to sneak out of the office unnoticed, but it was completely in vain. Everyone I bumped into on the way out the door told me that they heard about my earlier performance. I was so embarrassed. I just wanted to go home.
I felt completely lame all weekend. I felt extremely lucky to have taken Monday off work to watch the girls during a day off from school (a day off already? They just started a few weeks ago…) because I was still way too embarrassed to go back. I feared the worst. Well, Tuesday rolled around despite my attempts to freeze time by putting my two index fingers together repeatedly. And, despite having that extra day of cushion off, it was exactly as I feared when I returned. Everyone wanted to talk to me about the incident. However, strangely enough, it was all very supportive. Most people told me that they were happy that I went off because they were waiting for someone to finally speak up (well, why didn’t they do it then?). A lot of people told me that they agreed with me completely and that they got more out of what I said in a few minutes than what the speaker said in four hours. One lady here told me that I should consider a career in conflict resolution consulting (after she jokingly asked for my autograph since I was now a “celebrity”) since she felt my input was much better than the Ph.D.’s. Another lady told me that in her department’s one hour staff meeting they spent at least 40 minutes discussing what I had to say (and some expressed disappointment for having missed it). My boss’s boss asked me if I had a background in theater (because I tend to cause drama?) because of how well I projected my voice and my comfort level when speaking to a large audience. When my boss brought up the subject, I told her that I was sorry and tried to explain, but she asked why would I be sorry and that she didn’t think the presentation was all that good, either.
Even a few days later I still have people coming up to me wanting to talk about it. Despite all of this, I am still pretty embarrassed over the whole ordeal. I should have just kept my mouth shut and played good little employee. I’m glad people felt inspired, but I’ve been around long enough in business to know that people who stick their necks out usually get their heads chopped off. But the incident must not have tarnished me too badly, because my six-month probationary period ended yesterday (I’ve been here six months already???) and they actually decided to hire me on as a full employee (suckers!). So, I guess there’s something about me that they like, despite my apparent proclivity to take paid consultants to task in front of executive management and half of the organization’s employees…
posted by john at 12:16 PM
6 Comments:
Wow, that really sucks... about you having to waste your time! I could write a book about those "workshops". Working for a school board, I thought such days were totally unique to us. Welcome to the pit of suckdom.
BTW, they NEVER know what they're talking about... well, they never know more than the common person, and they talk like they do for hours on end. How's that for a sweeping generalization. I think I can live with that one.
John,
I've never really had to sit through one of those rah rah bullshit sessions. But I can tell you straight off, that I couldn't handle it either.
I don't know what you said, but apparently it wasn't without merit or class. What you said, (without words) is that you are a guy that doesn't like to have his time wasted. You're a doer. And you apparently have more backbone (as opposed to a shorter fuse) than anyone else in the room.
People now perceive you as a leader. One who speaks his mind. So whatever you do, don't be embarrassed about it. You've already appalogized and properly grovelled to the higher ups. Now just let it go. Accept that your stock has risen.
Don't make a habbit out of rocking the boat, but follow your instinct. You were well received. People always want that big promotion but rarely ever do anything to differenciate themselves from their coworkers. You took a chance. It seems to have paid off. Now just back it up with a solid work performance and watch your stock continue to climb.
You know, after I wrote this post I realized that I may be no better than the speaker. I employed derisive language and a self-serving example to demonstrate my own “superiority” and disdain for those who operate differently than me (maybe I do have a future in consulting after all…). I guess the difference is that I rant about it in a blog, while she goes around and asks to get paid for her platitude dissemination.
I pretty much disagreed with the majority of her techniques to handle or avoid conflict. The particular point, though, that finally made me explode regarded poor communication. Her example concerned co-workers who were unable to communicate effectively by not saying what they really felt or expressing what they really wanted. Instead of addressing the problem, she put it on the listener to “decode” the speaker’s true feelings, or in other words, re-interpret everything anyone ever says to you to find the “true meaning” of what they said. We even did an exercise in which we tried to interpret conflicting signals. That’s when I spoke up. I basically told her that she wasn’t addressing the problem, but only facilitating it. That it shouldn’t be up to the listener to play games and second guess, and that it was the problem of the communicator if he/she can’t speak up and ask for what he/she wants. I told her (and the crowd) that if management can’t properly express what they want from their employees, then that was the fault of management. If employees can’t speak up and express their concerns or desire for what they want than it was the fault of the employees. I told her that I wasn’t going to ask every single person that I deal with on a daily basis “how do you really feel about that?” and then told the crowd who I was, what department I worked in, and implored them that if they ever had to come to me with anything to be straightforward and honest with me about what they wanted because I was going to take their communication at face value. Then I believe I got a bit sarcastic and said that this whole problem could be solved if people would just speak up and say what they mean the first time. “Just say what you want, people!” Which I guess was then followed by applause and cheers from at least a good portion of the crowd, but I think I blocked that part out due to my sudden flush of embarrassment.
SLG - I tend to have a pretty low opinion regarding these things, as you may have picked up. Maybe it's my own bad attitude. I'm sure there were some people who felt like they got something out of it. That's why they should make these things voluntary. So those who do think they will get something out of it can go, and the rest of us can actually do something productive. However, that would probably reduce the attendance significantly and wouldn't justify the cost of bringing in the speaker in the first place, which is fine by me since I would rather see the money spent in other places. Like employee salaries... :-)
The lady who set this all up I guess is really on a "team-building" kick and has been organizaing all kinds of things to help us work better together. So, I really hope that this isn't the beginning of a regular series of these things. Otherwise I am either going to have to invest in a gag, or coincidently begin to feel ill on those days and have to call in...
LSD - yeah, I guess it could have been worse. I could have just yelled out "You suck!" and stormed off. Instead I was actually able to put together a coherent argument to counter her message. So, people may think I'm a loud mouth, but at least they don't think I'm an ignorant one...
nice one john, seriously.
the thing is you didn't actually lose it until hour three AND until she started promoting what are basically untenable communication techniques.
and people cheered.
stop being embarassed and listen to lsd because i think he's right. you've differentiated yourself, now prove it.
best team building exercises are things like group excursions to rock climb anyway and not stupid seminars.
Yeah, I would have much rather done rock climbing or any kind of physical activity like that. As long as trust falls aren't involved. Those are lame.
Things have died down now and are back to normal. But hopefully you all are right and that when the time comes I'll be thought of as someone who can see through the BS and is willing to call someone out on it. As long as the someone in question isn't the big boss...
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