You Wasted Life, Why Wouldn't You Waste Death?

I am not a hard determinist. I don't believe in a master plan, a grand design or even the Wheel of Samsara. I believe that we first exist and then create our essence, not the other way around. A lot of people would probably seriously wonder how someone could live this way. Perhaps it is a rebuke of eighteen years of Presbyterian predestination indoctrination. Perhaps I've just read too much Camus and Sarte. But honestly, if given a choice of whether I would want to serve a purpose or create one for myself, I would much rather be in charge of my own life's path (or at least believe I am). Is it any better to have everything predetermined, pre-programmed and already "written in the book?" Personally, I find it more depressing to believe that everything is planned and that every act and decision I make has been planned by fate. Doesn't that just make me a puppet of destiny? If some are destined to be great, does that mean the purpose for the rest of us is to serve as contrast to make those people look great? I don't know if I can subscribe to that kind of caste system philosophy of life.

Many feel that living a life without a predetermined meaning or designed purpose equals living a life without joy. Personally, I would have less joy knowing that I am forced to live a life that isn't mine than existing in a life without a predestined meaning. However, just because there is no meaning to life that doesn't mean that one's life has to be meaningless. Each of our lives contains the meaning we assign to it. Sure there is inequities in our respective starting points in life, but all of us contain the potential to be great. We create our own essence, our own purpose. What does your life mean to you? It doesn't have to be an empty existence of isolation. It is what you make it to be.

I know this is a pretty heavy subject for Inaction-in-Action, but I woke up with this in my head and felt that I had to get it down. I am constantly re-evaluating my life's meaning and the purpose that I have set for myself in this existence. What is my purpose? To be a good husband? A good father? A good financial manager? Sure, those are all excellent traits to strive for, but do they create a purpose? Some would argue that, yes, they do create a purpose because if each of us did our best in each of our respective spheres of influence, then collectively we could improve society as a whole. While I feel that there is some truth in that, I desire to leave a bigger footprint with my life. No, I am not about to run away and join the circus nor would I discount the importance of being a good husband and father to the family I love. What I am aiming at is a desire to grow beyond the present parameters I have set for myself. What have I done to better this world? What meaning has my life had for others? Has it mattered that I lived? I need to create a broader purpose for myself so I can answer those questions with the responses that I desire and will create meaning for my own life and for other's. For while existence provides us with the opportunity to create our own essence, it just as easily takes it away. Our lives are but a flicker of light in a sea of eternal darkness. However, I want mine to leave green spots in your eyes long after my flicker is faded and gone. I have work to do.

Speaking of work to do, the Big Boss Lady is coming into town today and will be here any minute. Time to post this now.